Anti-Resume*
For everything I did not get to experience.
I'm boon. I wanted to be an astronaut. Instead, New York City's skyscrapers are the closest I will ever be to the stars. Unfortunately, the designers of NYC's skyline forgot to include them.
Before College
I offered to produce a website for our local cinema; someone else won and produced this instead. Yes, it's still like that today.
I self-studied 8 AP courses in a year; I didn't actually study. I still sat through them. A single teacher supervised all of them; I told her I'm sorry I wasted her time.
I took the SAT once. Apparently you're allowed to retake it. I bombed the PSAT the year prior. You get free scholarship money from that. I missed applying to scholarships too: sorry mom and dad.
I built a website and Point of Sale software for my parents' restaurant. I didn't know you could scale it. I think I should've sold it to other restaurants too. It's ok. I'm not a B2B guy anyway.
I forgot to apply to MIT, I think I would have gotten in. Yale was ok, Cornell physics seemed cool; they had an observatory. Dartmouth was too local. But CMU, ah, CMU had weebs.
College
Freshman year
I turned down biophysics membrane research for NASA JPL summer research which I bailed on for a Google internship which I left for a startup. The startup sucked. Wcyd.
Sophomore year
I'm more of a research guy, but after that internship, I applied to this program called YCombinator. They do startup acceleration. I don't really care about venture capital or startups, but I did want to make cool things. I've been rejected five times now. I plan to get rejected more.
My professor told me to apply to Jane Street. I did. I failed to pass the phone screen. I did so bad they may have blacklisted me.
I wanted to study abroad, but I was too poor. And covid. But mostly being poor. I didn't not study AP Japanese to not go to Japan. But alas, I was poor. So, so, poor.
In fact, I was so poor I worked at Amazon. I moved their boxes around the warehouse. It didn't pay that well. I also worked the Rite Aid overnight shift. I got 10% off everything in the store. I also developed an addiction to Monster Energy, mild insomnia, and the ability to code all night.
Junior year
I dropped out for a total of three semesters. I wish I didn't. I had to take a bunch of extra courses in things like Arabic History, The Constitution. It turned me into a Democrat. I wish I could've stayed an asshole like Peter Thiel.
I had a top 100 website. It was a good website. Someone wanted to buy my website for $20M. It was a crypto-bro. I said no. Was it worth keeping my integrity? Who knows.
I almost got suspended from CMU: I hacked some stuff. I received a couple lawsuit threats too (unrelated). It's okay cause I was pissing off the right people.
Senior year
I got rejected by Intel, Voya, Walmart, Bank of America, and more! Optiver said I wasn't good enough at popping balloons. Five Rings said I didn't go to MIT. Carlyle said I can't just roll-up every Chinese takeout in the US.
I said I would make more friends, but I didn't. This is my biggest regret.
After college
I accepted a job. This was a fatal mistake.
Until an asteroid,
boon
*Inspired by BVP's Anti-Portfolio
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